Fiji: The Fable of an Albino Trapped in Paradise

An Albino Trapped in Paradise

Sunset on Mana Island

Day one:

Arrive in accommodation, the aeroplane landing strip in the back garden sets off the neighbour's house alarm every 20 minutes. No sleep can commence, the Internet is only temporary. The beach seen from the garden, is a 2km walk away going around the air field. Listing suggested 'villa' was ideally located. Hmmm.

The Albino and his accomplice go to cook dinner, whereupon the accomplice finds dead cockroaches and mouse poo in cupboards.

One of the resident lizards joins them for their evening sleep. What do you do with a lizard? No glasses and blaming with a shoe doesn't seem smart...? The accomplice doesn't sleep.

Additional thoughts: Fiji's not supposed to be like this.

The Sea

Day two:

Dropped at the port to do the 'cool island hopping', Albino is shocked by prices, trip costs same as 1 week's accommodation for one person to take one trip. Albino's accomplice is sick. Unable to catch taxi back Albino and accomplice retreat the 6k home. Upon arrival they discover the Internet has gone walk about. Hope of distraction and escape are lost. Misery and despair commenced.

Later the internet returned, and Albino was able to plan an escape to the local island Mana. The price set back the Albino the month's spending money.

Additional thoughts: this island better be flipping amazing, need to negotiate return of rent with landlady. Hope the next place is better.

Castaway Island, WILSOOOOON!!!!

Day three:

The Albino and his nail bitten accomplice leave early to to catch bus to port, to catch hugely over priced ferry to the island. The bus runs on Fiji time (I.e. It arrives precisely when it means to) The pair have a nice talk with a Japanese couple.

20 minutes till the ferry leaves and they arrive at the port, the Albino runs to queue for tickets, the accomplice checks in the bags, running back and forth between ticket collection and bag check in ready to stop the bags boarding if tickets are not collected in time. It was a close call.

Albino treks over brilliant blue seas and sand as white as his skin, stoping at various day visit islands, the fear of a snap decision haunts him, as he gazes over the white sanded shores of the other islands. The accomplice prays the next place will be better than Nadi.

They arrive at the island, fortunately they picked the larger one of those recommended. The Albino disembarks to a musical 'bula' or hello in the native tongue.

The Albino scuttles down the beach front through the sand to their hostel, unable to use the resort roads due to the Albino and accomplice being considered 'unclean.' They had to walk close to the shore, the accomplice as usual lagged behind.

The pair were shown their room, and taken through the sea of beds to their particular bed. A double bed in a room of singles awkward. But the island was quiet and the scenery beckoned them, after their stuff was stowed, they took themselves outside on this overcast day and snoozed on the beach lounger.

Additional thoughts: this looks a bit more like Fiji.

A Hermit Crab

Day four:

Relieved that the buffet style breakfast was included in his room cost the Albino and his Accomplice gorged on a feast of pancakes, bread, fresh fruit and coffee. Seconded only by the hostels diving instructor who was in another level, to put it like the Albino's old land lord he must 'poo like Gandi'.  To be sure this feller would win at any eating competition, those Texas steak houses offering a free steak to those who finish half a cow would surely go out of business.

Upon discovering that Mana island of Fiji was home to a TV show entitled 'Survivor' the two wondered at the format of the show? Was it like Big Brother or Bear Grylls where they must survive on the island. Or is it more likely that they are given a budget and must stay on Fiji within that promised budget? (Read in Sarah Millican's accent) "Ohh no, Stacy blew her whole budget  on a blue wicked and has to survive on a diet of hermit crabs and sand castles."

The latter feeling more of a challenge than the first.

After breakfast the Albino decided to cross the private plane airstrip to bathe on sunset beach, a much quieter beach on the island where glass crabs and hermit crabs alike went about their daily duties on the island. He sunbathed there for the morning on the abandoned beach, occasionally going for a dip in the warm blue sea. He went about collecting broken corals and shells, trying to encourage our new crab friends to switch homes.

After a few hours the Albino retired to the shade on the front of the island. Ultimately the Albino had burnt.

We found a Spider Conch Shell, but it got confiscated in Christchurch

Day five

Albino sat in the shade, until sunset when they when to sunset beach for an evening swim, the Albino was relived he had decided to bring his swim suit with him, as within a few minutes of being in the  water the previously abandoned shore had filled up with a coach load of tourists fresh on their summer holidays, to watch the sunset into the sea.

Later on they took part in a famed Kava ceremony. The local drink so highly respected that it is even applauded upon being drank. This narcotic style drink is so potent that it can render numbness upon the consumers tongue as it leads the user to relaxation. But as they say, when in Rome, or rather Fiji...

The Albino and the accomplice muse on whether the phrase is best left in Rome, two drinks down and they are now certain that Kava is not really derived from Kava root, since it's taste is somewhat reminiscent of ashtrays and bath water though that could have been the washing up bowl it was served in...

Additional thoughts: #no skinny dipping

Olivia and the Dress she Made

Day six

Albino sat in the shade and the accomplice with the fairly impressive tan mused about the meaning of life.

With a mighty thud the Albino and his accomplice looked around for the sound's origin. Behold! Just down the beach lay a freshly fallen coconut, with a great hacking of rocks and chisel they made from drift wood they drank deeply of its coconutty goodness, the water refreshing them in the hot sun. They ate a little of the fresh coconut finding its taste pleasing despite the hairy exterior. From here they swam a little and saw the sunset before the accomplice realised that somehow Fiji had bestowed the Albino with an impressive quiff.

The Albino, the accomplice and the quiff strolled back to their accommodation, where they sighted lots of bats who came alive at the sunset. Their bodies were as big as your forearm with a wing span of double that. They quite elegantly swooped into nearing trees, we made haste.

Unbeknown to the Albino and the accomplice, quiff held within his heart a romantic notion of being a super being. Noted in his own right, a free quiff and a quiff with a purpose of being a super quiff. But what would his super hero name be? Lucky locks? Golden wonder? Lofty locks? Jedward's long lost brother) He pondered.

Additional thoughts: what's the name of that thing where you go mad by being on an island?

Sunset from the hill

Day Seven:

The day before the Albino and his accomplice get off this island.

For a last day treat the Albino and his accomplice rented some snorkel equipment to visit the sea life on the beaches they had been on. They started walking and got to the beach they had been using all week. They were just creaming up and some island police told them to get off the shores and go somewhere else. So they diligently obeyed, they decided to walk to the other end of the island to Sunset Beach another place they had been using all week. Whilst using the road to avoid the airstrip incase an aeroplane landed on their heads, the couple and the quiff were flagged down by the island's secret police again and told they we're not allowed to use this beach either.

The pair (and the quiff) were followed the whole way down the original beach back to their hostel, and told they were not allowed anywhere on the island except the 35 meter strip in front of their hostel. This particular place they had avoided due to the pier where they had disembarked off their ferry, all the locals fishing boats with their hooks out in the water. Not the ideal place for a snorkel if you don't fancy an oddly shaped nipple piercing as a souvenir. So they went back to the place they had gotten the snorkel from and returned it and got their money back (thankfully). This was the first time the accomplice had wanted to go back to England, but certainly not the first time she'd wanted to leave Fiji.

For this last day had reinforced their beliefs and here lies the moral of the tale. If at any point you think you may enjoy Fiji, then think again. For despite its alluring beauty and beckoning call of zen level relaxation it is not worth a visit. For Fiji is to be included in the likes of Faust and Midas, despite the promise of gold, the benefits are far outweighed by the prize itself. Bring on the aeroplane...

A Fire Dance

What Next?

• Look back on our time in Europe here.
• Look back on our Adventures in Asia here.
• See where we're going in New Zealand here.
• Check out our Instagram for what we're up to in New Zealand here.
• See our future adventures here.
• Don't worry I'm sure that our next post will be more positive and less fable inspired!